Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
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- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-08-01 08:53:59
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Lindsay C. Gibson
- ISBN：1626251703
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
If you grew up with an emotionally immature， unavailable， or selfish parent， you may have lingering feelings of anger， loneliness， betrayal， or abandonment。 You may recall your childhood as a time when your emotional needs were not met， when your feelings were dismissed， or when you took on adult levels of responsibility in an effort to compensate for your parent’s behavior。 These wounds can be healed， and you can move forward in your life。
In this breakthrough book， clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable。 You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect， and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood。 By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity， you can recover your true nature， control how you react to them， and avoid disappointment。 Finally， you’ll learn how to create positive， new relationships so you can build a better life。
Discover the four types of difficult parents:
The emotional parent instills feelings of instability and anxiety
The driven parent stays busy trying to perfect everything and everyone
The passive parent avoids dealing with anything upsetting
The rejecting parent is withdrawn， dismissive， and derogatory
In this breakthrough book， clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable。 You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect， and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood。 By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity， you can recover your true nature， control how you react to them， and avoid disappointment。 Finally， you’ll learn how to create positive， new relationships so you can build a better life。
Discover the four types of difficult parents:
The emotional parent instills feelings of instability and anxiety
The driven parent stays busy trying to perfect everything and everyone
The passive parent avoids dealing with anything upsetting
The rejecting parent is withdrawn， dismissive， and derogatory
Reviews
Ebony
，
Wasn't totally convinced by this read。 It provides a useful framework for navigating relationships after complex trauma， but I found it a little overly simplified in places。 I would recommend this for practical approaches， but think the descriptions of the complexities of trauma and dysfunctional family dynamics are way too brief and would suggest further reading beyond this book for actually coming to terms with childhood trauma。 Wasn't totally convinced by this read。 It provides a useful framework for navigating relationships after complex trauma， but I found it a little overly simplified in places。 I would recommend this for practical approaches， but think the descriptions of the complexities of trauma and dysfunctional family dynamics are way too brief and would suggest further reading beyond this book for actually coming to terms with childhood trauma。 。。。more
Cat Elise
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A really informative book about recognizing emotionally immature people！ It really opened my eyes to signs I have missed and made me feel seen。 The best work always come from self reflection， so I was able to see how my past has caused me pain and how I can move forward from it。 It’s literally a free therapy lol。 Gibson included case stories， tips， and practices for us to use and learn from。
Nadia
，
"This topic of emotional immaturity has never been more important。 Emotional Immature （EI） behavior is widespread these days， and Emotionally Immature Parents （EIP） cause enormous suffering in all walks of life。 Because EIPs insist on dominating and being the center of importance， they don't leave room or resources for others to be fully themselves。 Their me-first entitlement and self-justifications negate the rights of other people， giving them free rein for abuse， harassment， prejudice， exploi "This topic of emotional immaturity has never been more important。 Emotional Immature （EI） behavior is widespread these days， and Emotionally Immature Parents （EIP） cause enormous suffering in all walks of life。 Because EIPs insist on dominating and being the center of importance， they don't leave room or resources for others to be fully themselves。 Their me-first entitlement and self-justifications negate the rights of other people， giving them free rein for abuse， harassment， prejudice， exploitation， and corruption of all types。Unfortunately， the lack of self-questioning in EI leaders can make them seem strong and confident， enticing followers to support agendas not in their best interests and almost solely for the benefit of the leader。 Our vulnerability to self-centered authority starts in childhood when EI parents teach us that our thoughts are not as worthwhile as their thoughts and that we should accept whatever our parent tells us。 It's easy to see how EI parenting could turn out children who later fall prey to extremism， exploitation， or even cults。Learning about emotional immaturity will help you understand and deal with all manner of EI behavior， regardless of its source。 The Emotionally Immature person in your life might be a parent， significant other， child， sibling， employer， customer， or anyone else。 The interpersonal dynamics will be the same， whether inside the family or outside。 All the methods that work with EI parents will work with other Emotionally Immature people as well。" Introduction - pgs。 3-4An absolutely fantastic book， 5++ stars！！ Well researched and accessibly written by practicing psychologist， Lindsay Gibson who uses relatable case studies that enhance your depth of understanding。 She provides many action steps and methods for navigating these types of relationships， along with a Bill of Rights that includes ten overarching Rights， with 5-6 individual points for each Right， which allows for a fine-tuned approach。 Some of these are; The Right to Set Limits; The Right Not to be Emotionally Coerced; The Right to Choose What's Best for Me; The Right to Love and Protect Myself; The Right to Live Life My Own Way。 This book empowers the reader to walk away with an assured sense that they're not the problem， combined with a solid set of tools that enables the traumatized Child to embody their Healthy Adult Self at long last。 。。。more
Losh
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This is a must-read for all adult children， whether or not you’re dealing with emotionally immature parents。 Gibson covers a lot of ground with simple， accessible language that made this easy to understand， which is key。 She provides ways of identifying emotional immaturity， and explicitly names the various types of emotional immaturity that is reflected in parenting styles， which is incredibly helpful when it comes to pointing out or naming problematic behavior。 I particularly like that she pro This is a must-read for all adult children， whether or not you’re dealing with emotionally immature parents。 Gibson covers a lot of ground with simple， accessible language that made this easy to understand， which is key。 She provides ways of identifying emotional immaturity， and explicitly names the various types of emotional immaturity that is reflected in parenting styles， which is incredibly helpful when it comes to pointing out or naming problematic behavior。 I particularly like that she provides strategies for dealing with aforementioned problematic behavior。 These are simple solutions that don’t require anything but one’s self， courage， and a desire to change one’s circumstances， relation wise。For adult children with emotionally immature parents， this serves as a light at the end of the tunnel， a wake up call that will improve the quality of your life， and wisdom that will help you separate your true Self from the Self that was born out of a desperate attempt to please your parents， and to protect or defend your true Self from judgment and negative consequences or punishments。 This will help you learn or reinforce that you are not your childhood trauma， you are not a reflection of your parents mistakes， and that there will always be room for growth， change and healing。 Understanding parental emotional immaturity is not about placing blame。 It is about attempting to understand their humanness and flaws， and understanding that these flaws are not a reflection of yourself or your failures as a child。 Not saying that this excuses trauma that is caused by their failures or shortcomings， but this book certainly teaches you perspective。For adult children who grew up with emotionally mature parents， this serves as a guide for self-reflection and thinking。 And for parents or people who are thinking of becoming parents， this is an opportunity to self-reflect， to understand how you can be the best version of yourself， to ensure that your children grow up in an environment where they are unashamed to feel and express their emotions and are unafraid to be their true， authentic Self， and to give yourself a chance to understand， make sense of， and process your own trauma instead of passing it on。 Generational trauma can be healed。 Break the chain。One of the most life-changing books I’ve read this year。 I will be going back to the little exercises and worksheets as often as I need to。 However， like all self-help books and books on trauma， everything must be taken with a grain of salt。 Take what you need， if there is anything in it for you to take， and leave what you don’t。 Every trauma is different， and every parent-child dynamic is different。 There is no one size fits all solution， and self-help books， this included， are not a replacement for therapy。 。。。more
candy heilman
，
the first three quarters of this book were H E A V Y and draining and often times triggering。 but it was also super enlightening and validating。 the last few chapters were so insightful and helpful and i couldn't stop taking notes。 i feel like almost all of my friends need to read this book， i'll definitely be rereading it again in the future。 the first three quarters of this book were H E A V Y and draining and often times triggering。 but it was also super enlightening and validating。 the last few chapters were so insightful and helpful and i couldn't stop taking notes。 i feel like almost all of my friends need to read this book， i'll definitely be rereading it again in the future。 。。。more
Bruna Dias
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An excellent book for people trying to break a cycle of generational trauma in which the lack of emotional maturity is a relevant issue。
Caroline
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This was a really helpful and enlightening book。 It doesn't ask you to do anything too dramatic， but to take a step back and examine the family members in your life that challenge your happiness。 I learned a lot from this book and I'm really happy I read it when I did。 I definitely needed it。 This was a really helpful and enlightening book。 It doesn't ask you to do anything too dramatic， but to take a step back and examine the family members in your life that challenge your happiness。 I learned a lot from this book and I'm really happy I read it when I did。 I definitely needed it。 。。。more
Cam kinz
，
This book put into words everything I’ve thought about my family’s dynamic since I was a young child。 It was refreshing to read that other people have experienced the same thing I have。 It was also enlightening to know terms to describe how my parents act and what causes them to act that way。 I definitely recommend reading this book if you struggle with having a relationship with your parents。
Jolie
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Highly recommend
Xandretta
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VERY insightful for understanding my own behaviors/conditioning as well as others。 Tough to read at times but only because I needed to hear everything it contained。
DESSREM
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Hayatımı değiştiren nadir kitaplardan。。。 Kesinlikle ama kesinlikle erişkin her bireyin okuması gereken bir kitap olduğunu düşünüyorum。 İnanıyorum ki okuyan herkesi geliştirecek bir kitap İŞTE benim için kişisel gelişimi sağlayan asıl kitaplar bu tarz kitaplar。 Aileniz ile anlaşamıyor， ebeveynleriniz ile olan ilişkinizin çok sağlıklı olmadığını mı düşünüyorsunuz veya hayatınızdaki herhangi birinin sizin motivasyanunuzu aşağıya çektiğinin ve sizi duygusal anlamda olumsuz etkilediğinin mi farkındas Hayatımı değiştiren nadir kitaplardan。。。 Kesinlikle ama kesinlikle erişkin her bireyin okuması gereken bir kitap olduğunu düşünüyorum。 İnanıyorum ki okuyan herkesi geliştirecek bir kitap İŞTE benim için kişisel gelişimi sağlayan asıl kitaplar bu tarz kitaplar。 Aileniz ile anlaşamıyor， ebeveynleriniz ile olan ilişkinizin çok sağlıklı olmadığını mı düşünüyorsunuz veya hayatınızdaki herhangi birinin sizin motivasyanunuzu aşağıya çektiğinin ve sizi duygusal anlamda olumsuz etkilediğinin mi farkındasınız？ Peki neden insanlar siz de böyle bir etki yaratıyor？ Başka bir deyişle hayatınızdaki olumsuzluklara yol açan bu insanlar neden böyle davranıyor ？ Neden ilişkilerinizde sizin canınızı yakacağını bildiğiniz o kötü çocuk tiplerini seçiyorsunuz？ Sizin yaşamınızı kötü etkileyen insanları nasıl ayırt edebilirsiniz？ İşte size bu kitap öyle bir bakış açısı sağlıyor ki deyim yerindeyse level atlıyorsunuz arkadaşlar kesinlikle ama kesinlikle bana 10 kitap öner deseler önereceğim kitaplar arasında bu kitap baş sıralarda yer alır。 Benim hayata olan bakış açımı değiştirdi kendimi ve çevredekileri daha iyi tanımamı sağladı。 Bu kitap bir elmas değerinde umarım okursunuz sonuçta kim bir elmas istemez ki🤩 。。。more
Filipa
，
An easy 5 stars book。Whether you have/had emotionally immature parents or not， this book helps you get a better understanding of who you are as a person and the way you approach different relationships throughout your life， without sounding condescending at any point。Well worth the read！
Angelique Garza
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I was originally looking for a book about to deal with having helicopter parents。 Then I stumbled across this one。 And boy did alot of what was being covered ring a bell。 I felt so much more validated and less alone after I got some reading it。 Now going through its sequel。 I highly recommend it。
Maite Boudy
，
Just wow！This book gave me the self awareness I’ve been looking all my life！ A new life begins for me with much better tools。 It’s so good， it helped me understand my mother and so many people in my life。 It helped me realise what is really going on。 I don’t get sucked in my old patterns anymore。 I’ve managed to break a few and might read it again to break even more patterns。 Suddenly I don’t feel so stuck or in a rut。 This book cleared my head。 Thank you for your book <3
Isabella
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Big preface: despite the title， I did not read this about my own parents！ My mom and dad are well-adjusted and mature people haha。I picked up this audiobook because I saw it was trending in the Goodreads psych section， and I thought it might be helpful in gaining insight into immature people I encounter。 The book fit the bill！ Super insightful and interesting， regardless of your home life。 Chances are， you know someone immature or someone who’s closely affected by an immature person， and you’ll Big preface: despite the title， I did not read this about my own parents！ My mom and dad are well-adjusted and mature people haha。I picked up this audiobook because I saw it was trending in the Goodreads psych section， and I thought it might be helpful in gaining insight into immature people I encounter。 The book fit the bill！ Super insightful and interesting， regardless of your home life。 Chances are， you know someone immature or someone who’s closely affected by an immature person， and you’ll find portions in here that illuminate your perspective。 Gibson also includes tips to help readers identify any blind spots in communicating in a mature way。 。。。more
Mackenzy
，
I wouldn't say I learned all that much to deal with the after events of emotionally immature parents but I certainly felt validated and sometimes that's almost as good to just know you're not alone。 I've also just done a lot of work already to know it was not my fault so if this is a new journey for you then this book could be incredibly helpful。 I wouldn't say I learned all that much to deal with the after events of emotionally immature parents but I certainly felt validated and sometimes that's almost as good to just know you're not alone。 I've also just done a lot of work already to know it was not my fault so if this is a new journey for you then this book could be incredibly helpful。 。。。more
Duckoffimreading
，
I thought this was a very helpful and practical resource to understanding the toxic dynamic that develops between emotionally immature parents and their kids， with specific guidance on how to counteract it， maintain boundaries and mental health。 This dynamic isn’t isolated to the parent-child relationship， but can also develop between significant relationships like spouses。 Lindsay Gibson closes the book with tips on identifying healthy， emotionally mature partners in life and living a happy and I thought this was a very helpful and practical resource to understanding the toxic dynamic that develops between emotionally immature parents and their kids， with specific guidance on how to counteract it， maintain boundaries and mental health。 This dynamic isn’t isolated to the parent-child relationship， but can also develop between significant relationships like spouses。 Lindsay Gibson closes the book with tips on identifying healthy， emotionally mature partners in life and living a happy and fulfilling life。 I could apply the learnings in this book to multiple relationships in my life， and may even reread it one day。 。。。more
Tiffany
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I felt like this book was written for me。 I'm totally floored。 It's a powerful thing to learn that your experience has been studied， researched， and written about， that it's not of your own imagination。 I felt like this book was written for me。 I'm totally floored。 It's a powerful thing to learn that your experience has been studied， researched， and written about， that it's not of your own imagination。 。。。more
Катерина Світлична
，
так боляче。 але так потрібно
Ⓐⓢⓗⓛⓔⓨ ✝️
，
This book was more profound to my bestie who recommended it， but it was not lacking for me。 It didn’t tell me too much that I didn’t already notice about my parents and myself but it organized it better and affirmed I know what I’m talking about。 Pick it up if you’re sad and don’t know why。
A
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Phenomenal book for those that suspect they have had some form of childhood emotional neglect or were raised by mentally ill patients。 I knew that the way my mom raised me resulted in why I'm so messed up， so I've started my healing journey 1 year ago to understand why I was so traumatized。 I've already read "The Body Keeps Score"， but that was more targeted towards extreme forms of abuse/trauma。 I'd say I grew up physically and financially ok， yet something was off; this book helped make everyt Phenomenal book for those that suspect they have had some form of childhood emotional neglect or were raised by mentally ill patients。 I knew that the way my mom raised me resulted in why I'm so messed up， so I've started my healing journey 1 year ago to understand why I was so traumatized。 I've already read "The Body Keeps Score"， but that was more targeted towards extreme forms of abuse/trauma。 I'd say I grew up physically and financially ok， yet something was off; this book helped make everything make so much more sense。 I felt like this was the final piece in the puzzle I needed to understand how to move forward with my parents and with myself。 All I have to say is， "As children， you didn't get who to choose as your parents。 You had no choice but to depend on those specific adults in your life and to also adapt toxic， maladaptive behaviors that result in self-sabatoge today。 However， you are now an adult， and you have the opportunity to learn what happened to you， close that chapter， and live your best life DEPENDENT ON YOURSELF ONLY。 Here's to that。" 。。。more
Marilyn
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Eye-opening and mind-blowing。 I couldn't put this one down。 There are so many concepts in this book that seem obvious， but when you're stuck in one mindset for your entire life the obvious becomes hard to see。 I now feel like I have more self-awareness and a larger capacity for self-forgiveness so I can continue to build my emotional future in the healthiest way possible。 I'd recommend this book to anyone looking for a primer on how to pick a part their childhood to be a better human， find some Eye-opening and mind-blowing。 I couldn't put this one down。 There are so many concepts in this book that seem obvious， but when you're stuck in one mindset for your entire life the obvious becomes hard to see。 I now feel like I have more self-awareness and a larger capacity for self-forgiveness so I can continue to build my emotional future in the healthiest way possible。 I'd recommend this book to anyone looking for a primer on how to pick a part their childhood to be a better human， find some form of inner peace， and understand how to identify and handle their parents。 。。。more
Marji
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5/5⭐️。 A great book for anyone who is looking to improve themselves。 Some great “workbook” type exercises as well。
Maria Pavăl
，
Truly life-changing
Oindrila majumder
，
The first three quarters deals with identifying and understanding situations/people and last quarter help on solving them with coping mechanisms。 Really Insightful！
Lory Widmer Hess
，
This was a helpful and well written guide， but I wished for a bit more nuance in some places。 I would especially like to have seen more about parents who don't talk all the time about themselves or try to make themselves the center of attention， which is how Gibson generally characterizes self-absorption。 There are parents who barely talk about themselves at all， and can appear extremely interested in and caring of their children， but only on a deeper look is this revealed to be interest in seei This was a helpful and well written guide， but I wished for a bit more nuance in some places。 I would especially like to have seen more about parents who don't talk all the time about themselves or try to make themselves the center of attention， which is how Gibson generally characterizes self-absorption。 There are parents who barely talk about themselves at all， and can appear extremely interested in and caring of their children， but only on a deeper look is this revealed to be interest in seeing the child not as they really are， but as who the parent wants and needs them to be。 Not talking about themselves is a sort of negative self-centeredness， as harmful as the more overt kind or maybe even more so。 Definitely it can be very difficult and confusing for the child whose parent appeared to be always selfless and giving， but who was really only serving their own needs for security in the guise of caring for a child。I also thought the division of child coping strategies into "internalizing" and "externalizing" was too simplistic， and that the dismissal of externalizers was rather curt （saying they wouldn't be interested in this book anyway， and mainly talking about them in negative terms）。 As an extreme internalizer， I'd be interested to know what I could learn from the externalizers to become more balanced myself， and I'd like to understand them better to be able to relate to the ones in my life。 I'd also be interested to know of stories where an externalizer turned around and did develop self-reflection。 Surely that must happen sometimes！Aside from the personal relevance， I was quite struck by how many political leaders these days are clearly suffering from emotional immaturity。 In the US at least， it seems like there are a few grownups involved and the rest are a bunch of screaming toddlers who want to twist reality to suit their own feelings， just like the EI parents in this book。 It's unfortunate that they have so much power， but some of the strategies in the book （notably detaching， exercising calm observation， and not getting pulled into their emotional contagion） may help with dealing with this mess as well as with family troubles。 I'll be trying them anyway！ 。。。more
Cassie
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Outstanding read。 This book helps identify emotional immaturity in our parents。 The book points out characteristics in ourselves and how they were influenced by the emotional immaturity of our upbringings。 It helped me identify that I am an internalizer。 I have mostly put the blame on myself for things that happened to me during childhood。 I thought that if I just did this one thing different， my mom’s attitude towards me would change。 I constantly played these mental games with myself。 The book Outstanding read。 This book helps identify emotional immaturity in our parents。 The book points out characteristics in ourselves and how they were influenced by the emotional immaturity of our upbringings。 It helped me identify that I am an internalizer。 I have mostly put the blame on myself for things that happened to me during childhood。 I thought that if I just did this one thing different， my mom’s attitude towards me would change。 I constantly played these mental games with myself。 The book reaffirmed that my mother was a “driven parent。” She had rigid values and perfectionist expectations。 When I was never able to meet her expectations， I blamed myself。 It was actually her own emotional immaturity at fault。 Once I moved out of her home， while still an internalizer， i coped by externalizing my pain through substances and unhealthy relationships。 Those things gave me attention and comfort， whereas I’d never felt before。 They gave me an outlet for my internal pain that I’d never addressed， and that’d I’d never been allowed the space to address。 I think the biggest revelation I found in this book was my healing fantasy。 I haven’t heard this term before yet in my recovery。 My personal healing fantasy with my mom is one of a fawn and people pleaser。 I always wanted to impress， so I agreed to anything she said， just to avoid arguing or judgement。 I often apologized for existing。 I wasn’t able to communicate my true feelings in fear of being put down。 I longed for her love and approval so badly， that I would become an actual “fawn。” My true self is one who lives an authentic life and doesn’t apologize for existing。 My life isn’t a mistake and there’s nothing wrong with me。 I am able to communicate my needs without worry and I take responsibility for myself and my actions。 I’m allowed to make mistakes。 I think this book is a wonderful resource and I will look back to it when needed。 I’m happy that I took the time to read it。 I hope that others in similar situations can use it to support them as well。 。。。more
Michael
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Very Insightful Although it would be nice to learn some tools on how to deepen relationships with your parents or parent that is not the advice of this book。This book is extremely well written and gives you the tools necessary to identify the shortcomings of emotionally immature parents， how to handle， and how to identify emotionally mature people so that you don’t subject yourself to history repeating itself。I’m so happy to have found this book。 It makes me feel less lonely in my struggle tryin Very Insightful Although it would be nice to learn some tools on how to deepen relationships with your parents or parent that is not the advice of this book。This book is extremely well written and gives you the tools necessary to identify the shortcomings of emotionally immature parents， how to handle， and how to identify emotionally mature people so that you don’t subject yourself to history repeating itself。I’m so happy to have found this book。 It makes me feel less lonely in my struggle trying to relate or please my parents， specifically my mother。 I think an important revelation and common characteristic for many readers of this book is although their parents probably never “abused” them in the literal sense （physically or sexually） the lack of emotional connection as the author says is very damaging to young children and can be hard to identify。 It took me approximately five years and countless self help books before I came across this book。Well done。 I will try to read more of her work/ studies。 。。。more
Madara
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I am in this picture and I don't like it I am in this picture and I don't like it 。。。more
Ivanka Voytsekhovych
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